Back again: November 2021

Hello again.

It has been very, VERY long since my last post and for the sake of avoiding a cliche recollection of how, why and what exactly happened in my life: I shall in stead bullet-point my past 8 years.

Since 2013 my boyfriend and I

* got Engaged * Married * had our first (and only) Child*

After January 2016

* I developed Post-Partum depression

* Found out I have Adult-ADHD

* Found out that I am Autistic ( kind of a shocker!)

Several other things happened in between, including:

* marital issues * high-conflict Divorce mediation, starting 2021 * child custody evaluations *

* an enormous amount of Animosity in the household * Hurt, Sadness * and Healing! *

These past 5 years have been an extremely difficult process and many times I felt helpless and flooded by all the uncertainty and tons of Social confusion. I'm often exhausted.

But. I manage to find new sources of recovery, energy, assistance, great guidance, good emotional support... and a little bit of Magic ;)

Since our son was born I studied self-healing methods, I read books on EQ (Emotional intelligence), found ways to clear my mind and still have times where I fall down and have to get back up, but the difficult times occur less frequently and the intensity is less and shorter-lived. So, I grow more hopeful.

I found essential assistance in Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, Youtube videos (on various subjects) and discovered a tool called Enneagram coaching :)

I struggle through Motivational speeches and religiously take my ADHD medication. ALL of this helps. I keep ALL the big and little tools that help me to get better and then i lose them in the clutter and later find them again

The new-found guidance on my future path makes me excited and creates passion and energy for me to tackle this future :)

Now I am re-inventing myself and I have asked: "What IF i feared Nothing! " and lo and behold, I am starting to discover a way of achieving this No-fear mindset. A new "Life Magic".

The story continues and I will not find enough time to write all that I wish to, but I attempt to record most of it and distill what I have learned in the past 10 to 12 years into blog posts. Things have been extremely tough and I still have ups and downs, but with reduced intensity. The down times pass faster.

I celebrate every small Improvement, even when others refuse to acknowledge or appreciate it!

And I start to find more hours of Fearing Nothing!

So, I sign off by saying I wish you all the very best and many moments of feeling Strong. It is not always possible, but at some stage it will be if you only hold on.

WhyNot

Final anecdote (August: chapter 4)

In "chapter 3" I mentioned: "the Suchness of life" Rambling on about how it (Life) is entirely unpredictable, changing and fascinatingly senseless... :) how Life is a dynamic process and there is no predicting what effect one small change will have on the rest of the system"
  
We teach and are taught rules, facts, processes and a LOT of theory and then we try to predict the future and prescribe methods according to these models, when in fact nobody can really predict, prescribe or lecture anything, because the world is constantly changing!

The solution...I hope? (August: chapter 3)

So, I have tried really hard to do everything "by the book" and I still do most of the time... but at some stage you really just have to give in on some rules! eg. I know that a person's "supposed to" let the dog sit (or something sort-like), give their food and then take the bowl away after 15 to 20 minutes... especially when the dog's not eating their food, but this routine is just not working for me. I've tried to follow this rule now for 8 months, but Jenni isn't persuaded.

So now I decided to give up and I leave the food there until she has eaten it or until the next meal when I clean out the bowl. Jenn is already a very slim breed of dog and she's getting a little on the thin side, therefore I'm just breaking this rule from now on - so sue me ;) Some rules are just made to be broken!

Puppy Love

Besides sharing some of the ins and outs of my life in general one of the main reasons for my blog is to share one of my dreams-come-true. This weekend (6 Feb 2011) we fetched our very own puppy (and very 1st as a couple). Her name is Genevieve (aka Jenni Button or "Je ne sais quoi"), also fondly known as The Poopy :)

Genevieve is a flashy Irish Red Setter, her pedigreed name is Oakdale's Bed o' Roses (Daddy: Apollo of the Chicken Farm, Mommy: Oakdale's Safari Sunset). Such a sweet name, and especially appropriate since our new garden has a couple of wonderful new roses (my very first ever no wait, I lie, I did have a red miniature rose once and it died... hmmmm???).

Anyway, I'm sure a few pictures will be worth more than their 1000 words.

Ain't I just gorgeous...

Some biltong with that pleez.

More gorgeousness.

And so, I enter the blogesphere.

I was complaining to my boyfriend about how extremely busy and overwhelmed I feel with all the 101 things I am supposed to do... then he suggested: why don't you start a blog about it.   o.O Uuuuhmmm...

I am rather certain it was NOT because he found my ear-wigging so fascinating - he probably hoped it would relieve some tension I felt with life, the Universe... and everything (a fascinatingly odd book by the way ;). 

So then I decided Why Not! I'm already so busy with everything I imagine my life's all about - Why not commit myself to even more obligation (Def: things you THINK you have to do) and leapt onto the bandwagon and now here I am. Hunny suggested I call it "My life and I", which I have to say I quite like. However, I thought it better (something I tend to do rather often) to add a little more of my true personality into the mix and call it Why Not.