26 November 2012

To Leave or not to leave?

Spring has been here for a while now and that has meant making new veg planter boxes, sowing all sorts of strange seeds and raising baby chickens. The season took its time to arrive this year. We had a very dragged out period of dreary, Wintery weather and none of my seeds would come up. I'd enthusiastically sowed basil and coriander and seen no results for weeks, but now is the time! Things are blooming and seeds just want some water and they're off to a running start and I am struggling to find any open space in which to plant some more cool things.

Anybody who has been following the news in SA lately will know that Spring also brought a Sh*tload of worker strikes all over our country, including the Western Cape (where the last bit of civilization has been hanging on by a thread). We are facing SERIOUS political unrest due to politically motivated criminal activity and it is happening all over the country. This is a much debated issue in every household, including ours and it was a very bright and sunny South African day when I finally realised that we don't belong to this country anymore. With 'us' I mean anybody with the resources to get out of here within reasonable time... but mostly white South Africans. I have been one of the optimistic 'youngsters' who believed that our country would only go through a few teething problems and then make a good, mature recovery from its past, but it is evidently not the case. I now suspect the people of this land will first burn it to the ground before they start building anything up and that will take too long for my heart to ever rest safely in a feeling of belonging to this world. I said to a good friend today that if we ever wondered when the water was getting too hot, it is Now! People are burning down farms in illegal protests a mere 200 km from our house, 55 km from my family's farm... It is getting too hot in here, the frog is boiling and I for one would rather get out with more than the clothes on my back! :( it is very sad, but true... We are not Welcome here anymore and I am not one to argue with the type of dim-witted people who burn down their only source of income in protests against the government which they all voted for in the 1st place! No F* ing thank you! I' m not going to try and build up something that other assholes just want to break down. I'm not THAT insane!

To cheer things up a little, here's a picture of our very first handful of raspberries (Note the small bug on my finger, our Organic certification ;) 

Upon my return to our back yard I started mourning all the hard work I have put into this garden that will be lost if we ever needed to escape this crazy country. I felt the deepest sadness and regret that I could not do anything to make this situation any better and felt the hard hit realisation that all these special trees and shrubs would most likely go to waste when we go. We have such beautiful indigenous trees and shrubs that we would never be able to find or grow in another country. 

One of the big factors breaking people down is the feeling that we are powerless to stop all this madness, because we are the minority group who is being discriminated against. This decision/ realisation/ admittance causes a great deal of conflict within one self and it also provides an immense shift in focus! Besides Google searches for blogs about expat life and the challenges it presents I now find myself focusing less on immobile assets (like my horse, the garden, farm shopping :( and decorating the house) and more on creating things that we would actually be able to take along with us wherever we should go (writing, paintings, sketches, books, music). It feels very strange to suddenly consider everything you spend your precious time on through the question: will I be able to take this with me if we had to go? :/

In the meantime life carries on as it usually does and we still have weeds to pull, seeds to sow and little chickens to sell and the dog is still driving me insane... She is just so inexhaustible and playful. At least she is eating like a horse now :) I buy her a mixture of raw chicken necks, hearts, gizzards etc. and sometimes mix it with beef/mutton off cut mince and some rice, lentils, carrot into a 'puppy stew'. She just LOVES it!! Which makes me wonder whether we would ever be able to afford such luxuries for our little pooch if we ever moved abroad? 

Oh yes, and when I said that our original snag list, from 2011, was done and dusted, I meant that all the things that are the responsibility of the building contractor for that period is fixed up, but there are still other To Do's on the list which are the responsibility of the breadwinner (Hunny)... such as new mirrors in the main bathroom (that's what happens when you place temporary old mismatched mirrors for the meantime, they NEVER get replaced :p) and the splashback for the stove that hasn't been ordered either. It sounds like there should be a very easy and simple solution, but the intricacies of these tasks are just delightful! The big problem that I have with it is that I can't go bugging Hunny about it, because he Always has too much to do. :( It is usually the crazy bond and stock exchange markets, but now we have the even more humongous problem of finding the most suitable way of taking currency out of the country, which is no small task. 

If you have ever wondered what Big businessmen keep themselves busy with it is to plan structures with which to lose as little as possible to tax (income, return on investment and inheritance tax) and to save their investments from the possible F* ups in world economy. This takes considerable effort and attention away from making the money in the 1st place, which leads to quite a bit of agitation and therefore certain times of the year (recently it feels like ALL the time) such breadwinners require a considerable amount of pussyfooting about in order to not flip the lid. It is a VERY difficult task for one as impatient such as myself - then again, having waited nearly 2 whole years for proper mirrors in the main bathroom seems rather patient to me... I guess people vary in their definition of patience.

This whole scenario is actually so unfair and so very irritating. Life is like a grapefruit, as soon as you start enjoying it it squirts you in the eye :p Just as I have finally managed to find what is hopefully my life partner and as we built our very own house and set up our very own garden, with a dog and fish and chickens, etc. NOW life wants to uproot us once again... I eventually have almost everything I ever wanted, including a stunning horse at a lovely yard and NOW life goes "Oh, lets have some more FUN shall we". Sometimes I just hate reality. 

Anyway, we still have to live here, probably for at least 2 years? Possibly for ever? So there are things to do in and around the house and at least working on my riding skills will not ever go to waste, so I have to be happy with my 1 horse for the time being... I have a lot to do. As always. 

This is one of those moments in time when it would be Very helpful to know what the future will bring and whether it would be better for us to move abroad or to stay here. I wish I could know with absolute certainty which option would be better. :/ 

But life provides absolutely NO guarantees, so your guess is as good as mine. That is one of the crap parts about life, the Universe and everything.

To move or not to move, that is the Question.

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