Spring is here!!

A special announcement: it is Spring!!

It might not look like it judging by the drizzle outside, but Spring has arrived! As usual Nature doesn't keep to anybody else's time-schedule. Some would say right on time, it depends on your perspective. When I walked through the garden yesterday morning there was already a pleasant warmth in the air and a small gang of caterpillars starting to raid the Naturtiums: so I ran back inside to fetch a pair of surgical gloves so I could squash them as I saw the little buggers! I had learned my lesson about using gloves: I accidentally put my dirty fingers in my mouth after squashing a few of the aphids and inevitable ants :P NOT cool!

A very wet Jenn the weekend after a splash in the river on my grandparents' farm and peach trees in bloom

Another give-away is the poor little battered wisteria that's shooting new leaves. The Bushwillow and Birches have been forming new leaves for a little while already, but the MOST exciting part is the artichoke, which is making its very first blooms! I am genuinely SO ecstatic - I can't wait to eat our very own artichokes and asparagus from the garden (the asparagus will have to wait another 2 years unfortunately, but 2 years zooms past). We will also be munching our very first sugar snap Peas from the garden tonight for dinner.

When u'r feeling blue...

... all you have to do... 
 
is...

 

?
 
No, I donno? U tell me!

 

It scares me to realise how fast the year has gone by! It feels like we've achieved and finished nothing, but in fact we've been very busy with a LOT of different things! One of those things have been the puppy - that certainly kept both of us VERY busy (fun field trials, training, showing, playing, walking, cleaning up where she's destroyed things... the usual). I am happy to report that I have regained at least SOME measure of control over this hooligan of ours, with the help of the "Charlie" (a rolled-up newspaper-friend discussed in the previous post) and that at least to some extent it works to threaten her with "where's Charlie!!". She becomes submissive and stops growling and performing for a while, but she is still a little handfull! I guess some would consider it cheating or not being a very assertive pack leader, but I don't care anymore - I just want to be able to stop our brat from taking over when she feels like it. I think the mission is accomplished, at least as long as we have the Charlie with us ;)

 

Heheee - this is so fresh! As I'm typing (9:40 am)... I get a ping on Facebook from Hunny to say "Room service order: 1 x coffee and 1x kiss please" ;) technology is just so fascinating! He's playing on his iPad in the room while I'm waiting for the puppy to eat her breakfast :) The Suchness :)

Final anecdote (August: chapter 4)

In "chapter 3" I mentioned: "the Suchness of life" Rambling on about how it (Life) is entirely unpredictable, changing and fascinatingly senseless... :) how Life is a dynamic process and there is no predicting what effect one small change will have on the rest of the system"
  
We teach and are taught rules, facts, processes and a LOT of theory and then we try to predict the future and prescribe methods according to these models, when in fact nobody can really predict, prescribe or lecture anything, because the world is constantly changing!

The solution...I hope? (August: chapter 3)

So, I have tried really hard to do everything "by the book" and I still do most of the time... but at some stage you really just have to give in on some rules! eg. I know that a person's "supposed to" let the dog sit (or something sort-like), give their food and then take the bowl away after 15 to 20 minutes... especially when the dog's not eating their food, but this routine is just not working for me. I've tried to follow this rule now for 8 months, but Jenni isn't persuaded.

So now I decided to give up and I leave the food there until she has eaten it or until the next meal when I clean out the bowl. Jenn is already a very slim breed of dog and she's getting a little on the thin side, therefore I'm just breaking this rule from now on - so sue me ;) Some rules are just made to be broken!

But wait, there's more to complain about... (August chapter 2)

Ok, so what else is "unhappying" me...?

The garden - oh @%@%@%@ there is SUCH a lot "wrong" with our garden :(

There are So many things to fix and to do, but I just really don't have the time and cannot do all of it on my own!

 

So - moving on to the rest of the garden... well, most of the back garden was either "remodeled" by the dog... or destroyed by the broken stormwater pipe that had to be dug up all the way from the front to the back on the one side of the house (that was at least R 5 000 's landscaping that had to be redone, and what we did was clearly not sufficient because many of the things don't seem to grow so well there)  :(

I am just so frustrated with all the things I "should be" doing and also want to fix, but just don't have the time for! And pets who are not "playing along" even after a lot of time and good work (according to "the book") that I put into them...

According to some good philosophy, it is a good idea to counter every complaint with something  that is positive about the situation, however small!! Think I should try this. I hope that it works!

Something else that irritates the S#%!@ out of me is the builders - who are STILL busy fixing things - at least they finished up last week with the December list and now they are on the Feb/March snag list. What p*sses me off the most about it is that they will do absolutely NOTHING for MONTHS until I am at home one week and THEN they come to fix things. If only they could at least call me beforehand to let me know someone is coming to the house!! This is so infuriating, but I know it won't help to get even more upset about people knocking on my door while I'm in my PJ's... writing blogs and trying to have a little "Me-time" :P

Small + At least it gives the dog some exposure to visitors ringing the front door bell... and her having to sit and "wait" before she can wriggle and pee all over the floor ;) - why does my life feel insane?

Anyway - I just decided that I will NOT phone the building project-manager and complain about the unexpected "visitors" because #1 I've done it before and clearly it doesn't help at all and # 2 I'm hoping that if I just accept it at not fight the way it is that it will go away?? one can only be hopeful. I think it's worth a try :P

I have had the privilege and pleasure of complaining to my boyfriend about all the things that "I have decided" make me unhappy... BUT - is it really life that's out to get me or do I seek excuses as to why I cannot just Be happy or at the very least just content with life?! Do I create my own obstacles to feel more entertained? A lot of people only want what they think they can't have... and almost as soon as they have it they have to find something new to desire, a next quarry to chase, better results, more, bigger, better... but is this really better? Is constantly seeking more a good thing? Does it assist us? Does it do us any good?

I guess my frustrations are partly due to the possibility that I had my goals set too high to start with (or more likely ideals/ imaginings that were just waaaaay unrealistic!!). Even though I have 'solved' my problem it makes me more than just a little sad. :(

It is rather depressing in a way because I seem to have almost everything I dared to dream about! I have a horse, a dog, an awesome boyfriend...a Big garden exactly the way I planned it (well - almost!) And that seems to be the key to my unhappiness... everything is so near-perfect, but yet so far from it! I guess I had too many great expectations about all of them once again and ... I do realise that life would just be easier to bear if I could adjust my ideals and increase my tolerance to imperfection, but I guess I am scared that if I settle for the less than perfect state of things then life will never be spectacular!! And I guess I have always been brought up with the idea that one should try to be spectacular! WHY - god only knows...? or does s(he)?

I just have this immense drive to do things close to perfectly and it is keeping me away from just being content with life.

So - now - how do I fix this... any ideas? 

Disappointed, depro or overwhelmed... (August chapter 1)

... isn't it basically the same thing? It's been a while since I wrote something: I guess I just didn't have much good to say so I rather said nothing but right now I need to give myself some permission to complain. The past week I have been really struggling with the very simple obstacles in life and because it has made me so negative it's like the little issues are even bigger and more debilitating. I feel overwhelmed, trapped and sometimes almost paralysed by the shadowing gripes of everyday life? Am I depressed... or just very disappointed that life isn't quite playing along with the rules of my game? One thing I can say is that things seem much harder than I had anticipated and at times I'm losing hope and enthusiasm for all the things I'm attempting to find time for.

To pea or not to pea

I do declare - my life is running away from under me. I think I have just too many interests and things I am trying to get done before I hit 30... happening next year :o


I don't know why I suddenly feel compelled to try everything I've always wanted to do in one shot? Possibly because I now sort of have the means to... or do I?


All I do know is that Jenni is growing up so quickly and keeping me VERY busy. At times I am convinced that she is even more taxing than raising a child - but I suspect I stand to be corrected and that one day I will return to my philosophy that it would be easier raising 5 dogs than one child. I suppose I make her more effort than she has to be: I insist on cooking her puppy stew to supplement her already balanced meal of Royal Canin pellets, but it makes me happy. It always takes be back to my "Oumagrootjie's" (great grandmother's) kitchen when she cooked stew for her dogs (in the days before Epol). But anyway, while Jenni is chewing up more of my plants I have been dreaming up another plan to try and satisfy my desire to have my own farm... :)

After realising that a proper, big farm that is 2 hours away form home would not fit into our current lifestyle and would most likely jeopardise our relationship a lot I devised a new solution: leasing farm land close to town and setting up a small farm business with an organic vegetable patch, horses, chickens, peas etc. Besides the financial strain and demands on our time from a proper farm there is a lot of uncertainty about land ownership and demanding labour laws in our country, so a long-term lease will most likely be the best solution and would decrease our financial commitment substantially. Or so I hope! At least a smaller enterprise closer to the city would be a less risky trial of my determination and capabilities to run my own small farm. I am also not ignorant of my weaknesses and I realise that the biggest risk is perhaps my fluctuating interest in things I start doing, so this business would at least hold better prospects for resale should I later realise that I am not farm-girl material.