11 February 2011

Oh No! I'm freaking out.

OMG!! What did I do...? :(
Why did I have to INSIST on getting a dog? Right now! I know that we will sort everything out and Jenni is so sweet and well-behaved, she will be all settled in very soon, but I really think this has all happened too soon? 8 Months ago, when I put our name on the puppy waiting-list, I was sure we would be all bored and settled in our new house by now, but I was so wrong! :( There is still so much going on and I feel completely overwhelmed with all the things I have to do... 

I fear for the worst. I have really complicated our lives with getting this dog, especially since Hunny just agreed to get her to make me happy (he's not such a big "dog-person"). From now on we will never be able to go away a weekend or even an evening without getting a puppy sitter, I feel so sorry for the puppy :( and I can already see how Hunny's going to freak out when she manages to get onto the couch at night! :( I'm so scared of everything that can go wrong and for what a mission our life's gonna be from now. Somehow it doesn't feel like she's really OUR dog... it feels so different to have her here from what I imagined it would!
And Oh my Word! The puppy's stomach has been upset lately and she's refusing to eat the puppy stew I specially made for her (recipe provided by the breeder). She started crying for attention today - and now that I've had to change her diet she had 2 accidents in the house and tonight my Mom has to puppy-sit while we go out. Poor Jenni's nose is already a little out of joint.
:(


The cat has started terrorising the poor baby. Sashi comes closer and closer as if he's really interested in the puppy and then as soon as Jenni just sniffs a little too close to him he lashes out and spits at her. Today she yelped, probably from getting such a fright, and I felt SO bad for her!! I don't know what to do or how to get the cat to be more civilised? He's also coming outside with us EVERY time and is so in the way, because poor Jenn's sh1t scared of him. I don't want to lock the cats in a room or something because then they're likely to start getting stressed and p!ssing inside the house!! It just hasn't been my day. Or my week for that matter.
What a day! I'm also SO tired of this never-ending building project. Today's been a disaster of a day and I'm very Unhappy about it!! And I am just so cranky... This week I've just been So exhausted, mainly from getting up twice through the night and early the morning to take Jenni outside, but also from worrying and stressing the whole of last week over the dog and how she will or won't fit into our lives? My stomach was aching terribly, I had migraines and a few mini panic-attacks! What if things with this dog don't work out? What if she disrupts our lives so much that Hunny decides to bail because the dog and I are just too much to handle? :(
While I'm nursing all my rational or irrational fears the entire world's plumbers, gardeners, electricians etc. have to come and finish up. Why now? It's just NOT Ayoba! They've all been missing in action for a whole month - NOW they all have to come on the same day, in the one week of leave that I arranged months ago to stay at home and look after the puppy. It's already the 2nd week of February and they're still not finished!! I can't even sleep when the puppy's sleeping because they're making such a noise in the house! There are people working inside the house and outside at the same time, so at times I don't know where to take the dog because they're just everywhere. And I want to sleep! It isn't cool and it's just not fair!! :( I was so much looking forward to spending some chill time at home, just settling our puppy in and getting to a few of my own neglected projects, and now the week has gone and I still haven't had a proper holiday :(
I was also so super busy last week, preparing for the puppy that I didn't even have time to go to Shala, our Arab mare. Now I have to pay the groom to at least walk her for 10 min every 2nd day. Everything is just too much for me. Yes, it is of my own doing, BUT I imagined that everything would be sorted by this time if the builders were supposed to finish by end November. Hmmm, amateur mistake!!
This whole week I've been plagued by the builders. The plumber wants a dust pan, then the garden services want to know what they must do, the landscaper had to finish up, the gates and trellises still have to be completed, then the pool, the lawn, the sprinklers... it's just REALLY getting to me! Then the worker who's painting the pergola wants me to charge his cellphone! I REALLY, really just wish they'd all be finished with what they have to do!! I've been telling myself that they'd be done soon, just 1 more thing, but then there's always another thing to fix up! And they always need something and they're just so in the way with the puppy here!! I had to take her outside while the electrician put the light up in the braai room, then literally 5 minutes after they finished up I had to bring her back inside because the garden services were here to weedeat the lawn! It's really just crazy!! I'm not cut out for this kind of sh1t! It's just too damn frustrating!!!
Yesterday while I was waiting for Jenni to do her business outside, the tree guy called, but I didn't have my phone on me. So then he didn't come to put the roses' sprinklers in because security said I wasn't home (because I couldn't hear the house phone ringing with all the building noise in the neighbourhood). Now I will probably wait till Christmas until it's set up! :P
The problem for me is that there is only so much time in the day (age old grievance, so at least I'm not alone). You blink twice and the day has zoomed past you! I also have so many other interests and things I try to do all at once that it's just burning me out. I'm still busy trying to settle the garden in - with the builders destroying my newly planted herbs and delicate plants that I searched days for in every nursery around. Hell, they even killed a fully grown stattice, which happens to be a rather tough plant and it was wide awake and clear to see... but they tend to ignore its presence and just trampled all over it. :( But what p!sses me off most of all are the cigarette butts they leave behind in MY garden! WTF!! They've just got NO consideration for other people's property! We LIVE here, it's not just a building site!! We've spent a LOT of time, effort and money to make the garden pretty and a place to enjoy and then they come and F*#k it up! Anyway - I truly hope the building etc. is finished outside, so that I can plant things without the concern of some idiot destroying it!
So besides my complaints with task teams whom I wish would just stay out of my hair... there are a few (actually feels like SO many) other things... actually this is also due to incomplete building projects: for some strange reason we now have an empty fish pond. It used to have water and water plants (which are quickly perishing in the 32 oC heat without water) and 2 fish to eat the mosquito larvae. Now it is drained and dry as a bone... the plants are dried out and wilted and there's only 1 poor little fish left. A month ago, when we switched the pump on, the water spouts were leaking because APPARENTLY some very smart person cut the pipes in half when they finished the fibreglass coating. So, the whole pond would run dry in half a day. Then they came to fix it - but it was still leaking. Now they have tested it with some air-pressure invention etc. but that was last week (5 days ago) and then they just left it! Yes, they aren't concerned at all about the water plants that are high and extremely dry... they just leave it like that inevitably until they feel like carrying on - What the hey!! Surely they know how to fix ponds and it can't possibly take more than a day or 2 for any of the components to dry out or whatever the reason is that they just leave it like that for?! This sort of thing just irritates me SO because I spent a lot of my time to look for the right plants, rinse off their soil, rinse off the stone chips, plant them into the big container, nearly breaking my back to lift a crate full of plant and stone into the pond etc and now it's all just dying and I've Nowhere else to put the plants! The surviving fish has to be fed and his water changed every day and he has been living in a dark room (only place the cats won't get to him) in a bucket :( The poor little thing! He can't be very happy about it! I'm certainly not. Then today they arrived to waterproof the pond EVENTUALLY and just as they started it started raining! In the middle of Summer!! WTF!???
And so the list goes on: organising the new maid, house-training the puppy, neglecting the horse, planting a bunch of plants so the builders can trample them, watering plants that aren't getting any because the sprinklers aren't set up right, cooking puppy stew that our puppy refuses to eat, maintaining the compost heaps, meeting the garden services to explain which plants not to pull out, meeting the tree guy to sort out the big trees' watering, not getting to any of the things in my room that I wanted to sort out. The list goes on! AND then writing a blog about how busy I am. Why do I do it?? ;)
:P
I have come to realise that I am much more impatient than I used to be! I want things done the way they are "supposed to be done" and as soon as humanly possible! No margin for error... I do realise that this is causing me most of my frustration and anxiety! Trying to prescribe to the world how it should be behaving! It does not work. Darn it! :P Why won't the Universe bend itself to my will...oh yes - I forget, the Universe does not revolve around my whims. Life has its own rules, no matter how hard you try to force your own on it.
I try to figure out WHY I get so impatient with all these things, why do I imagine that things will get done in one week when it takes 2 months? Oh yes, because that's what the contractors promised me... and I believed them - stoopid me! So, the lesson learned = don't believe what people tell you, no matter how genuine and honest they are.
I never used to be this cranky? I;m sure it started since we've been building the house and especially now that they just never seem to finish!! I'm so worried that Hunny will think: Jeez, this chick = so moody, I never signed up for this - I want a refund... :P
:(
Actually I just feel plain p!ssed off with this entire situation! Today everybody just sucks! Even the poor little poochie.

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